On Colors and Life.

Have you ever asked a seven year old girl what her favorite color is? I have. The results are astounding. Ask a boy and he'll give you a pretty predictable answer. He'll either like blue, orange, or red, or he'll just shrug. But ask a girl and-

She might first answer the question by asking another question: "Is rainbow a color?"  Her second answer will be highly dependant on how you answer her first question. If you answer no, then she will proceed to strategically order all the colors of the rainbow from best to worst. If you say yes, rainbow will probably be in her top five favorite colors. Just say yes. Rainbow is a color, and sparkles is a color too when you're seven.

After this she'll find every shade of any color and tell you all about it. She'll probably run around the room trying to find things to give you a good example of that tealish-blueish-purplish-not-like-that-shirt-but-like-that-blanket color. Then after all this is finished and you have a good list of ten colors (colors is used as an abstract term here), she'll search her funny little seven year old head for her list and just as you're about to ask her if she wants to play outside, she'll say, "WAIT. Did I say pinkish-purple was my third favorite color? That's not right, purplish-pink is my third favorite color. Pinkish-purple is my fourth favorite color. And I think that sparkles is my third favorite color, rainbow is my second and black is my first favorite."

Asking a seven year old girl what her favorite color is going deep into the mysterious ocean of time and space itself. I would reserve a whole afternoon for that question maybe. It wouldn't even be a waste of time though. After all, if you had to pick between sparkles and rainbows...

What I've come to realize these past two months of college is that everyone becomes a seven year old girl when they are faced with the question of what they are going to do after college.

I've been asked this question by students and adults alike. Every time I hesitate. Sometimes I say things like "Oh, I think I'll work on the downtown eastside" or "I think I'll teach English overseas." Sometimes I'll plunge into the pool of honesty and simply respond, "I don't know."

And that's the thing you guys. I don't know. Sometimes I think I know, just like the seven year old girl thinks that pinkish-purple is her third favorite color, but then I'll search my funny little head and change my mind again.

And I've talked to other people too. Nobody really knows what they're doing. To some degree we're all faking it a little bit.

Or at least I hope so. I hope that we don't have everything figured out. If we did, I think we'd be in a whole lot of trouble. If we did, I don't think that there'd be any room left for grace.

People, we're allowed to be clueless.
We're allowed to ask if rainbow is a color.
We're allowed to change our minds.

What God has been teaching me over and over again is to pursue what you are passionate about. Jesus said that the greatest commandment, the thing that we're supposed to do above everything else is to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind." How do we do this? "The second is like it: Love your neighbour as yourself" (Matthew 22:37-39).

Do what you love. Do it at 110%. Use it to love God. Love God by loving everyone.

JUST LOVE, OK?

God isn't going to have a plan for my life that only involves doing things that I hate. Yes, there will be trials and sufferings, in fact that is what I am promised. But, God gave me gifts to use and enjoy for his glory.

If you love something, you should pursue it, and if you're on the wrong path, you'll start to hate it and start to love something else.

We should love each other with our whole lives because we are created in the image of God, and until we see Jesus face to face, we're the closest thing to the full image of God that it gets. And whenever we love each other, our fellow human being, created in the image of God, we love God (Matthew 25:40).

What am I going to do with my life?

Honestly, I don't know.

But if I know anything, it is that because God loves me and has given me life to the full, I need to love people.

So I'm just going to love, ok?

And that will be my life.

A Happy Confusion

Sometimes, it's best to not know what's happening.

Sometimes, it's just best to know that something good is happening.

Sometimes, you have all the pieces to the puzzle, but you just can't seem to put them together. And that's ok because sometimes, each piece is beautiful individually and you can put them all together later.

One day, they will be put together into a single, incredible masterpiece.

But for now we should just enjoy
                                                  each
                                                         little
                                                               puzzle
                                                                        piece
as they are, with patience and hope for the coming masterpiece.

Everything

Matthew 28:18-20

 Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always to the very end of the age."

God could have made an army of Mother Teresas or Billy Grahams or even sent angels, yet he chose us. He chose us to complete his task. With all of our flaws and weaknesses God wants us. Right now, where you are is where He wants you. You are God's plan for the right here, right now. Our flaws make it so we simply cannot take any credit when God does something amazing. We must be totally out of our element, so that when  God does something absolutely amazing, all we can say is, "God did it."  

Romans 12:9-10
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 

Believe that. Be humbled by that. Live by that. The fact that God lets us be a part of spreading his name is overwhelming. There is nothing like looking into the eyes of another human being and telling them that there is hope and that God, the Creator of everything loves them. And we are called to do that; to be blessed by sharing God's love. That is something that we must abandon everything for. That is something worth leaving everything familiar and running to those who still have not heard of God's plan of salvation for them.

Romans 10:14-15
How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?  And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!”

We have those beautiful feet. Where are we going to go with them?  

That is everything.

I'll live for that.

I'll die for that.

POEMS PEOPLE, POEMS!

So today I went to Chapters and bought the most lovely of all lovely books. It's called Good Poems for Hard Times Selected and Introduced by Garrison Keillor. I'm only on page 34 and I'm calling it the best purchase of the year. This is one of those books that I would want my future husband to read to me in the morning at breakfast, or that I would read my children before bed. This is one of those books that I would want to read after gardening and having dirt all over my hands and knees and sitting on the kitchen floor with a large glass of cold sweet tea as the late afternoon sun shines through the window onto me. This is one of those books.

Poems people, poems!

Poems to me are each their own 50 different stories into a simple, little page of letters. You initially read it, and get the basic gist of what the author is trying to tell you. A happy little moral or something to think about. If you wanted, you could stop there and still live a beautiful life. But a good poem will have just one line, or maybe even one word that throws you off. So you re-read it. What does the author mean by all this? Then suddenly, the entire thing opens up to you and you realize that that initial, happy little moral is so much more and every, single word that was constructed on the page is for a purpose: To reveal something to you about your own life, to help you get through difficulty or to celebrate joy with you. And there are so many more things to learn.

Every single word on that page has a purpose.

And the way I see it, every person is a poem.

There's the initial reading. The happy little character, in a happy little world. And you could stop there, shake them by the hand and go on your way living your beautiful life. But then there's something that throws you off. That one thing they said, that one thing that they did. And so you "re-read" them. You look deeper, you ask them questions. What does The Author mean by all this? And you realize that the initial happy little character is so much deeper and complex. Every single one of their experiences was constructed on their page of life for a purpose: To reveal something to you about your own life, to help you get through difficulty or to celebrate joy with you. And there are so many more things to learn.

Every single person has a purpose.

The only difference between a person and a poem is that you can be a part of the person. You can be one of the words on their page. You can be part of the purpose. You can take them by the hand and re-read their own poem to them. You can help them find their purpose. And they can have the same impact on you.

And that is perhaps the most intriguing, most mysterious thing to me in the entire world.

Poems, people, poems.

Unemployed... Still

After many job applications and weeks of waiting by my phone, I have gotten really good at being unemployed.

Like really good.

Usually I wake up at around 10 and stumble to the kitchen to eat last night's leftover dinner, or some good 'ol PB and J.

Then it's social media time. Facebook, Twitter, Yahoo, Pinterest, Tumblr, repeat.
It's a science really.

I've also gotten considerably good at Tetris Battle.

I started my unemployment journey at a meager  level 30, now I am level 46 (and climbing).

Yes, I am really cool, thanks for asking.

Also, Doctor Who.

Let me tell ya, best Sci-Fi show ever. Ever ever. Like ever. We are never ever ever getting back together ever. Wait, what? T-Swift, what are you doing here?

Also, I think I lost my mind.

I forgot two passwords yesterday and had to get them changed.

Most days, I go for a walk downtown with resumes in hand. Most walks take about an hour.
I'm slightly tanned because of it.

AND POEMS!

People! Poems are so delightful!

Here are a few of my favorite:

I Chose the Mountain by Howard Simon
A Psalm of Life by Henery Wadsworth Longfellow
Forgetfulness by Billy Collins
Love's Philosophy by Percy Bysshe Shelley
A Child said, What is the Grass by Walt Whitman
Abou Ben Adhem by James Henry Leigh Hunt


I found all these poems and many more on the Top 500 Poems List.

Google it.

It's magical.

Also, BOOKS! I read The Silence of Bonadventure Arrow last night.

One sitting. (Well, two because I feel asleep in the middle of it)

It was pretty fun.

I have also read several other novels these past weeks. I love libraries.

So now I've convinced you all that I am a looney girl who has lost her memory, that watches Doctor Who all day, plays Tetris and reads too much. Perfect.

And that is the current state of my unemployed life.

Olivia

I was sitting across from little Olivia. She was scared. But not of lions, tigers and bears-oh my! but of Hell. But of dying and going to Hell. And what was I to do? I had already told her that Jesus saves. That God loves her so much that He sent Jesus to die to save her from separation from Him, and if she believed in Him and told Him that she was sorry for her sins and followed Him she could be saved. But still, every night- fear. She didn't want to be a Christian. Her reason- "I don't think my parents would like that." "Maybe God wants to use you to tell your family about Him, about how much He loves them," I said. Still, "I don't think my Mom would like that."

I looked into those fearful eyes and she was crying. What else are you suppose to say to that little heart? One that is so scared of Hell, but so scared of losing her family's love?
I'm sure I could have said a thousand things then. Evangelists every where probably cringed when I said, "Let's go brush our teeth."  The conflict was left unresolved.

But we can only plant seeds. It is God that makes them grow.

And sometimes I feel like Olivia, like I know what God wants me to do, but I'm scared. I'm scared of what everyone will think if I do it.
And how God's heart must break when we do that to ourselves.

And one day, maybe I'll hear about little Olivia. About how she loves God with all of her everything and how her family loves Him too.
Maybe one day she won't be scared. And that will be a happy day.
And one day, maybe I'll stop caring what everyone will think if I just do what I know God wants me to do.
Maybe one day I won't be scared. And that will be a happy day.
And how God's heart must rejoice when we turn and follow Him.

Luke 15:4-7 "Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn't he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbours together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nice righteous persons who do not need to repent."

The First Post

And so it begins. The summer time. Sweet, sweet summer time. Yes ladies and gentlemen, we have finally arrived. It is safe to remove your seat belts and step out of the vehicle.

I have survived my first year of university.

And if I have learned one thing it is that there are no such things as mistakes. 

Except on tests. Then the mistakes are quite apparent. 

There are no such things as mistakes in life. And if there is such a thing as a mistake it is the most beautiful thing to make. Mistakes teach us what perfection cannot. Perfection is comfortable. When we are comfortable we use what we have and do something nice and cute and lovely and good and we pat ourselves on the back and that is all. But a mistake, a beautiful mess up, that is where extraordinary happens. We are tossed into a situation when we no longer have the resources, the time, the energy, the brains, the fight, and we crumple. Let's face it. When put in that kind of situation when even our own fight, our own tenacity is no longer a resource, there is not anything else to do but to crumple.

But then this really cool thing happens guys, and it's called doing something you've never done before. You get up from your crumpled little mess and take in as much of that lovely oxygen as you can in one large breath and go out and do that impossible task, and you talk to that impossible person, and all of a sudden you're doing these really cool things that you've never even known to be possible and life just gets easier. And the best part of it all is, is that it was impossible, and it still is impossible, and you're not doing it. You're not doing it because it is impossible. It was God that got you up from your crumpled little mess, and God that filled your lungs with that glorious oxygen and God using you to do that impossible task and to talk to that impossible person. And possibly the best part of making mistakes is that it is humbling. And whatever worthiness I thought myself to have for making the decision to wind me up in Mistake-Ville is lost.

And I am left staring up at the One who let me experience the impossible.