Grace, rest, and everything in between.

A lot has happened this year, folks.

I'm done my second year at Columbia Bible College. It has been the craziest year. I was blessed to be a resident leader at CBC and learn what it means to love and lead completely through the power of the Holy Spirit. I learned that we are broken. I'm learning that we are made whole.

I learned that even in the midst of the darkness, there is still Light, there is still Hope.

I learned that when everything falls apart God makes something beautiful and amazing out of it.

I learned that sleeping matters. I learned that I am not a super human. I learned that 5 hours of sleep is not enough for me to be a loving, gracious, intelligent, or even comprehensible person. I learned that naps are important, and that you're not a bad person if you go to bed before midnight even if you could do more homework. I also learned that without sleep, you may end up falling down a flight of stairs while going to an 8:30am class, spilling all of your precious, live giving coffee on innocent bystanders, and loosing your glasses on the way down. Experience is the best teacher I guess.

I learned that howling at the moon  creates a magical bond between people that cannot be easily broken. I learned that cats are cool and that Meow Mondays matter. I learned that tye-dye shirts bring people together. I learned that everyone likes free food. More than all this, Jesus unites people. Without Jesus, we're all puzzle pieces that belong to separate puzzles.

I learned that it takes courage to show weakness. This courage is strength. I learned to stop pretending that I had my life together and that everything was just peachy, because I don't have everything together, you guys, and life sometimes is not peachy. I learned to cry. I learned to lament.

I learned to rejoice. There is life in surrendering to God's plan. It's ok not to have everything figured out. It's ok if God feels silent. It's ok because he is there. He is not a distant deity. He is always there. Praise be to the Comforter who is close to us!

At the beginning of the year, a prof shared this verse. At the time I was sick with a "I've done too much and slept too little" flu and needed to hear just this:

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me- watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly" (Matthew 11:28-30 MSG).

At the time rest sounded glorious, but it also sounded like a myth. I had answered a giant "Yes!" to the first three questions, but the way to finding rest wasn't really what I wanted. I wanted to earn my rest. I wanted to get all the things done on my check list before taking a break. Learning the unforced rhythms of grace seemed like a waste of time when there was so much to do for God. I couldn't understand rest because I didn't understand grace. I didn't understand that all God wants us to do is work with him, not for him, to keep company with him, not bring company to him.

It was when I understood my brokenness that I finally understood grace. When I understood grace, I could finally rest.

Now I am learning to live freely and lightly.

Done like Dinner

I am finally done my second year of post-secondary education, first year of college.

Winner, winner chicken dinner.

Things I've learned:

1. Do random fun things with fun people.
Some of my best memories of this year have been saying yes to weekend concerts with no guarantee of actually getting tickets, playing hide-and-seek-tag at 1am, and going on late night star gazing adventures. It's good to have a game plan, but sometimes you've got to throw away the clip board and just do it. Random things are the best things. Random things give me life.

2. Play outside.
God made the outdoors!! Let's play in it! Life's so depressing indoors and there are trees and mountains that are waiting to be climbed! Also, studying improves 10000% after a good dose of mountain air.

3. Study hard.
Even if it's a class that you really hate if you dig really, really, really deep they'll be something that strikes you as interesting. Learning is hard, but learning is important, therefore, learning is fun. Learning is also what I am called to do at this particular moment of my life so I need to do it at 100%.

4. Love.
Every. Single. Human. Needs. Love. No questions. That is our mission outside and inside Bible school. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love till you can't breathe without loving, love without doubt, love without question, love without hesitation, love without judgement, love without thinking. Love until it becomes your very existence. Love until people can't look at you without feeling the love of God spilling out of you. Love everyone all the time.

5. Say yes.
As mentioned earlier, saying yes leads to adventure! Saying yes also leads to ice cream! Saying yes leads you beyond your zone of comfort, also known as "the comfort zone."
Say yes, be a winner.

6. Say no.
Sometimes, you can't be a winner because there's a thing called responsibility. And responsibility says "No, I need to study." Saying no also helps to balance the most important things in life and forces you to set priorities, which are important so you don't lose your head.
Say no, keep your head.

7. Don't say maybe so.
Indecision will get you nowhere in life. Be bold! Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Also, being indecisive is no help to the people planning crazy random things and need to know how many crazy random people will be accompanying them.

8. Trust God.
This year was a leap of faith. I didn't know if it was going to work out. Last August I almost cancelled and got a job so I could travel and do more stuff. But I just had this gut feeling that God wanted me in school. And I think I was right. I'm not saying that God wouldn't  have used travel to teach me really important things and lead me to really important people, but this year just felt right. Something clicked. And it worked. I was challenged and encouraged in the best ways possible. I got a taste of that abundant life Jesus talks about in John 10:10. And it's beautiful. Just reach out to God and let him lead you in his ways. They're good. His burden is easy and his yoke is light.
It's going to be ok.

So that's it. That is what I have learned. I'd say it's been a pretty successful year.

On Colors and Life.

Have you ever asked a seven year old girl what her favorite color is? I have. The results are astounding. Ask a boy and he'll give you a pretty predictable answer. He'll either like blue, orange, or red, or he'll just shrug. But ask a girl and-

She might first answer the question by asking another question: "Is rainbow a color?"  Her second answer will be highly dependant on how you answer her first question. If you answer no, then she will proceed to strategically order all the colors of the rainbow from best to worst. If you say yes, rainbow will probably be in her top five favorite colors. Just say yes. Rainbow is a color, and sparkles is a color too when you're seven.

After this she'll find every shade of any color and tell you all about it. She'll probably run around the room trying to find things to give you a good example of that tealish-blueish-purplish-not-like-that-shirt-but-like-that-blanket color. Then after all this is finished and you have a good list of ten colors (colors is used as an abstract term here), she'll search her funny little seven year old head for her list and just as you're about to ask her if she wants to play outside, she'll say, "WAIT. Did I say pinkish-purple was my third favorite color? That's not right, purplish-pink is my third favorite color. Pinkish-purple is my fourth favorite color. And I think that sparkles is my third favorite color, rainbow is my second and black is my first favorite."

Asking a seven year old girl what her favorite color is going deep into the mysterious ocean of time and space itself. I would reserve a whole afternoon for that question maybe. It wouldn't even be a waste of time though. After all, if you had to pick between sparkles and rainbows...

What I've come to realize these past two months of college is that everyone becomes a seven year old girl when they are faced with the question of what they are going to do after college.

I've been asked this question by students and adults alike. Every time I hesitate. Sometimes I say things like "Oh, I think I'll work on the downtown eastside" or "I think I'll teach English overseas." Sometimes I'll plunge into the pool of honesty and simply respond, "I don't know."

And that's the thing you guys. I don't know. Sometimes I think I know, just like the seven year old girl thinks that pinkish-purple is her third favorite color, but then I'll search my funny little head and change my mind again.

And I've talked to other people too. Nobody really knows what they're doing. To some degree we're all faking it a little bit.

Or at least I hope so. I hope that we don't have everything figured out. If we did, I think we'd be in a whole lot of trouble. If we did, I don't think that there'd be any room left for grace.

People, we're allowed to be clueless.
We're allowed to ask if rainbow is a color.
We're allowed to change our minds.

What God has been teaching me over and over again is to pursue what you are passionate about. Jesus said that the greatest commandment, the thing that we're supposed to do above everything else is to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind." How do we do this? "The second is like it: Love your neighbour as yourself" (Matthew 22:37-39).

Do what you love. Do it at 110%. Use it to love God. Love God by loving everyone.

JUST LOVE, OK?

God isn't going to have a plan for my life that only involves doing things that I hate. Yes, there will be trials and sufferings, in fact that is what I am promised. But, God gave me gifts to use and enjoy for his glory.

If you love something, you should pursue it, and if you're on the wrong path, you'll start to hate it and start to love something else.

We should love each other with our whole lives because we are created in the image of God, and until we see Jesus face to face, we're the closest thing to the full image of God that it gets. And whenever we love each other, our fellow human being, created in the image of God, we love God (Matthew 25:40).

What am I going to do with my life?

Honestly, I don't know.

But if I know anything, it is that because God loves me and has given me life to the full, I need to love people.

So I'm just going to love, ok?

And that will be my life.