Grace, rest, and everything in between.

A lot has happened this year, folks.

I'm done my second year at Columbia Bible College. It has been the craziest year. I was blessed to be a resident leader at CBC and learn what it means to love and lead completely through the power of the Holy Spirit. I learned that we are broken. I'm learning that we are made whole.

I learned that even in the midst of the darkness, there is still Light, there is still Hope.

I learned that when everything falls apart God makes something beautiful and amazing out of it.

I learned that sleeping matters. I learned that I am not a super human. I learned that 5 hours of sleep is not enough for me to be a loving, gracious, intelligent, or even comprehensible person. I learned that naps are important, and that you're not a bad person if you go to bed before midnight even if you could do more homework. I also learned that without sleep, you may end up falling down a flight of stairs while going to an 8:30am class, spilling all of your precious, live giving coffee on innocent bystanders, and loosing your glasses on the way down. Experience is the best teacher I guess.

I learned that howling at the moon  creates a magical bond between people that cannot be easily broken. I learned that cats are cool and that Meow Mondays matter. I learned that tye-dye shirts bring people together. I learned that everyone likes free food. More than all this, Jesus unites people. Without Jesus, we're all puzzle pieces that belong to separate puzzles.

I learned that it takes courage to show weakness. This courage is strength. I learned to stop pretending that I had my life together and that everything was just peachy, because I don't have everything together, you guys, and life sometimes is not peachy. I learned to cry. I learned to lament.

I learned to rejoice. There is life in surrendering to God's plan. It's ok not to have everything figured out. It's ok if God feels silent. It's ok because he is there. He is not a distant deity. He is always there. Praise be to the Comforter who is close to us!

At the beginning of the year, a prof shared this verse. At the time I was sick with a "I've done too much and slept too little" flu and needed to hear just this:

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me- watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly" (Matthew 11:28-30 MSG).

At the time rest sounded glorious, but it also sounded like a myth. I had answered a giant "Yes!" to the first three questions, but the way to finding rest wasn't really what I wanted. I wanted to earn my rest. I wanted to get all the things done on my check list before taking a break. Learning the unforced rhythms of grace seemed like a waste of time when there was so much to do for God. I couldn't understand rest because I didn't understand grace. I didn't understand that all God wants us to do is work with him, not for him, to keep company with him, not bring company to him.

It was when I understood my brokenness that I finally understood grace. When I understood grace, I could finally rest.

Now I am learning to live freely and lightly.